What is Growing Up a Girl?
Growing up a girl is complex – Head Prefect, Zara’s solution is for us to create change together for the benefit of everyone.
Each week, our student leaders share their insights with their peers in Assembly.
In Term 1, Principal, Ms Douglas, and I attended a Shore School assembly and had the pleasure of speaking about International Women’s Day. It was a great experience.
Having given a speech to an all-boys school, I’m going to speak to you instead about growing up a girl.
Growing up in general is hard, at any age, and growing up a girl comes with its own unique challenges. So, what is growing up a girl to me? Let me start with what it isn’t or shouldn’t be.
Growing up a girl doesn’t give us the excuse to blame men or any other group of people for a few individuals’ mistakes. Growing up a girl doesn’t mean we are immune to sexist comments, thoughts, and actions. Growing up a girl doesn’t mean we can assume that because we experience something one way, others have that same experience.
We know by the age of 12 what it can be like to feel scared to walk alone, to feel scared that someone may spike our drink, to feel physically dominated, to feel objectified, to be forced into something we don’t want to do. As young females, these experiences are not our fault.
At Wenona, we are in ‘a feminist boot camp’, a place that fosters Renaissance women, where we are educated about the atrocities and discrimination women are subjected to. If we were born in another country, at 15, 16, 17 years old, we could potentially have children, be in an arranged marriage, be killed for reading or not be allowed to do a certain job because a man would do it better.
It is scary because how do we fix things without guidance? My solution? First, as citizens of the globe, we must educate ourselves. Second, as individuals, we can do the small things. Third, as collectives, we create change.
Firstly, education. Education is not the same as understanding. We must educate ourselves about all girls, but it can’t stop at just girls. We must educate ourselves about all citizens of the world.
There’s the age-old saying, ‘Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.’ I said to the Shore boys that they could go and walk in six-inch heels, but they won’t know what it’s like to be a woman, nor can we walk in a suit and tie and understand what it is to be a man. We will never know the societal pressure to be strong and show no emotion.
We will never understand what it is to be a man. Men will never understand what it is to be a woman. And that is okay, these aren’t barriers, rather outlets, education is what we should focus on.
We can’t demand that men and other groups fix sexism. We can’t expect growth if we don’t take steps forward.
Secondly, the small things, the little actions that young women can take – I have found that it’s small things that make an impact, and you can start by making these promises to yourselves:
Promise that you will always be respectful to all people. Promise that you will be curious, ask questions, and learn. Promise that when the time comes, you will protect and care for the people beside you when they need it the most. Promise that you never aim to pull another woman down. Promise that you will never let someone make you feel at fault for a situation you didn’t want.
Thirdly, as collectives, we create change. Something I’ve always loved about Wenona is the sisterhood, and we can use this to make change.
The culture of being so frightened of standing out and not assimilating with the girls beside you needs to stop – being scared to put your hand up, judging others, not partaking in activities in case you fail, it needs to stop. And most importantly, that inner critic in your head needs to be banished.
If anyone makes you feel lesser or pressures you into something you don’t want to do, that is not okay. It is not okay for people to preach about the rights and justice of a group when they too perpetuate stereotypes and hate. We are all perfectly imperfect.
And just when you thought I was out of promises, I’ve got one more for you. If you are lucky enough to have a mum or a sister or a grandmother or any central female figure in your life, when you next see them, maybe for Mother’s Day, just give them a hug. And in return, I promise I will do my best to support the women in my life.
Stay safe and healthy, learn lots, be curious, be respectful, and keep your promises.
This is an edited version of Zara’s Assembly speech.